why should i care

Was there something more I could have done?
Or was I not meant to be the one?
Where`s the life I thought we would share?
And should I care?

And will someone else get more of you?
Will she go to sleep more sure of you?
Will she wake up knowing you`re still there?
And why should I care?

There`s always one to turn and walk away
And one who just wants to stay
But who said that love is always fair?
And why should I care?

Should I leave you alone here in the dark?
Holding my broken heart
While a promise still hangs in the air
Why should I care?

in other news

In other news, I’ve got a busy, busy week ahead. Two fantasy football drafts. A dress rehearsal and then performance for a top secret corporate gig I’ve booked. (The gig isn’t so secret but I had to sign a confidentiality agreement not to disclose the client. Which seems a little silly considering how big of a public presence this event has taken on, but whatever.)

I’ve got another little secret brewing for Wednesday morning. Not writing about that here unless and until there’s something very newsworthy to share.

My work schedule is swinging into high gear again. We’re dark this week then we open the last show of the season. Which means next season will be publicly announced and I’ll have a season preview reception to plan. Also I’ve begun the planning process for our annual fundraiser. Not till March but it’s an enormous project. In fact, I’ve already booked comp time because of it. I spent part of the afternoon today in a meeting. Oh, and I have an online fund-raiser that I’m conducting through out the month.

And I have to pack. Because on Friday night I’m catching the red-eye to go see Aaron for 11 days. And a dinner or two with Tri while I’m there. I did laundry today. I’ve been making a list of outfits. Trying to cover an array of dress codes while minimizing necessary shoes. Because I’m trying not to drag a whole bunch of crap I don’t need. I am a notorious over-packer. Aaron has already been teasing me about the fact that I haven’t started shipping things in advance of my arrival. He knows me all too well.

So there’s a lot in the hopper. And when I return I’ll have to hit the ground running and not stop until Christmas. But don’t mistake this for bitching, I’m happiest when I have a million things to keep me busy. Otherwise you get the round and round and the crying and all that nonsense. Busy is good for me.

symphony of now

Because everything in my life has a musical reference, sometimes I like to pause and reflect on the songs that are speaking to me at the moment. I call it my symphony of now.

Colbie Caillat-Bubbly
I’ve been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I’m comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time
Holdin me tight

Sweet Dreams-Eurhythmics
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

You Must Love Me-Andrew Lloyd Webber
Where do we go from here?
This isn’t where we intended to be

Deep in my heart I’m concealing
Things that I’m longing to say
Scared to confess what I’m feeling
Frightened you’ll slip away

Thinking of You-Katy Perry
Cause when I’m with him
I’m thinking of you, thinking of you
What you would do, if you were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes

Oh It Is Love-HelloGoodbye
Oh, dear,
its been hardly three days yet
And I’m longing to feel your embrace
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face
Oh say, wouldn’t you like to be older and married with me?
Oh say, wouldn’t it be nice to know right now that we’ll be
Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, “Oh, is it love?”

Does He Love You-Knox/Strich
But you’re the one he rushes home to
You’re the one he gave his name to
I’ll never see his face in the early morning light
You have his mornings, his daytimes
And sometimes I have his nights

But does he love you (Does he love you)
Like he loves me (Like he loves me)
Does he think of you (Does he think of you)
When he’s holding me
And does he whisper (Does he whisper)
All his fantasies
Does he love you (Does he love you)
Like he’s been loving me

So In Love-Cole Porter
Strange dear, but true dear,
When I’m close to you, dear,
The stars fill the sky,
So in love with you am I.
Even without you,
My arms fold about you,
You know darling why,
So in love with you am I.
In love with the night mysterious,
The night when you first were there,
In love with my joy delirious,
When I knew that you could care,
So taunt me, and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I’m yours, till I die…..
So in love…. So in love….
So in love with you, my love… am I….

If I Fell-Lennon/McCartney
If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don’t run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don’t hurt my pride like her
’cause I couldn’t stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

Blackbird-Lennon/McCartney
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man-Kern/Hammerstein
Oh listen sister,
I love my mister man,
And I can’t tell you’ why
Dere ain’t no reason
Why I should love dat man,
It mus’ be sumpin dat de angels done plan.

research and a new infatuation

I’m doing some research, trying to find a good moniker for the boy. Something obscure from either Shakespeare or Star Trek. On the way I fell in love with Katy Perry. (Not sure exactly how that happened, but whatever. ) Love. Love. Love her.

season end

The symphony chorus’ season has come to a close. We just finished the last run of concerts. Doubled up. A series with one symphony and then a final show with a different symphony. It’s an interesting challenge for a singer. To do the same work with two different conductors so close together.

It was a piece that I know very well. One I can almost sing in my sleep. And yet one that doesn’t really excite me. I felt like I was just going through the motions in rehearsals. Plodding along with only half of my brain engaged. Even in the brief rehearsals with the symphonies prior to the actual concerts.

Musicians are expensive to hire. Choruses and soloists rehearse on their own for the most part. Accompanied only by piano. You typically only get a handful of rehearsals with everyone in the room together. Those rehearsals can be rather intense as there are always lots of details to work out.

It never ceases to amaze me how many musicians will read while in rehearsal. Magazines and books propped on music stands. Something to keep a person distracted while other business is going on. I mastered this when I used to work as a pianist all the time. I could keep a magazine on hand and read a few paragraphs at a time in between runs. But I stand in awe of the percussionist who managed to read a Salmon Rushdie novel during rehearsal. That’s way too in depth for me.

The conductor of the first symphony we worked with was a dream. He’s very exacting. No doubt about that. But in the space of two rehearsals he had our ensemble pulled together. So much that he was able to play the lot of us as though we were one single instrument. You had to watch him like a hawk all the time. Because tempos would change. Because pauses were sometimes longer. Which made singing this piece, the one that did not particularly excite me, exciting again.

And no matter how ingrained a piece of music can be in my head. No matter how many times I’ve heard the piano reduction in a rehearsal hall. No matter how many times I’ve listened to recordings. There is nothing like hearing it live. Particularly when you are sharing the stage with the orchestra as they play.

This is not an exciting piece for me. But there are moments that I love. The 15th movement. After the winds have opened the movement. The very first chord when the strings and pianos come in. Glorious. The stratospheric run by the soprano near the end of the whole piece. The slow melancholy and achingly gorgeous lines from the baritone. Recordings just don’t do them justice.